If you had the chance to say good-bye properly to someone who is no longer part of your life, what would you say?
I have tried many times to rehearse a conversation with my dad, and every time I have failed. Oh dear, even that's a lie. I don't get that far.
Whenever I think about talking to my dad, I feel sick in my stomach and I choke on my imagined words. Even when I give myself a second chance there is nothing I can say.
I picture his face, the sunken blood-shot eyes, his cool I'm-not-really-here stare and I realise he didn't want to talk to me.